


I'll Hold You All Night, Just Like This

by hollidayparty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Post TROS, Rey Needs A Hug, my son - Freeform, reylo5ever, that idiot boy of mine, these touch starved idiots, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollidayparty/pseuds/hollidayparty
Summary: “You deserve this. Because I deserve this. After everything, every betrayal and abandonment and hurt, we've found each other. Now that we're together, we can heal.”So. Much like Kylo Ren, I too experienced a death-bed Reylo conversion and it has  c o n s u m e d  me.Let's assume that Ben is FINE after saving Rey on Exegol. They can't very well waltz into the resistance base, so they flee to Ahch-To to heal and bide their time. Ben is conflicted and feels undeserving of Rey, but he can't deny that he needs her. So, cue the angst and anxiety and spiraling! Lucky for him, Rey is determined to never let him ago again.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 123
Collections: my favourite Reylo





	I'll Hold You All Night, Just Like This

The trip to Ahch-To had been draining and difficult. Rey and Ben had arrived rather unceremoniously following the aftermath of Exegol, much to the exasperation of the Lania. They had stumbled from their ship, bloodied and ragged, and the Caretakers had fluttered around both of them, clucking and huffing, faintly reminding Ben of a clutch of mother hens. Rey and Ben had been whisked apart, bathed, bandaged, and bolstered over the course of the following days. They had rarely seen each other face-to-face since they arrived, resting in separate huts as the Caretakers healed them. Yet constant communication via the bond assuaged much of their anxiety at the separation.

It’s dusk and the island is quiet. The Caretakers were gone for the night, having served the evening meal and left Rey and Ben to rest near the small cooking fire that remained. Ben is not entirely sure how many days have passed. At least three? Maybe four. He considers asking Rey, but the question dies in his throat as he turns to her sitting at his side. Her skin glows in the soft light from the fire. Her hair is loose around her shoulders, tendrils rippling lazily in the calm salty breeze. Her face is open and relaxed, smiling slightly.

Rey closes her eyes, completely content with a full belly, a warm fire, the island humming around her, and Ben close by, whole and safe. She senses his stare and stretches languidly as she smiles wider at him. Her body is still stiff, but it’s an improvement from the shape she was in when they got here. She wonders idly if the roughhewn pallet she’s been sleeping on is soothing or exacerbating the ache in her muscles. Either way, she is eager for rest, though she mentally winces at the idea of spending another night away from Ben.

Picking up on her train of thought, Ben apprehensively pictures the remainder of his night, alone in his hut, awake and anxious without her, just as he had been last night. Hot and white, the panic spikes in his chest, filling him with a desperation so sudden and so encompassing that it knocks the wind from him.

“Can you stay with me tonight?” the question frantically bubbles from his mouth before he can stop it.

Rey freezes. A flash of fear and hesitation darts into Ben’s mind. The image of them in bed together, tangled, flits into her head and on into his as she scrambles to yank it back. Her terror at the image slams into him as hard as if she’d shoved him.

Instantly, his mind and emotions snap back on him, rubber bands stretched too tight. _Unwanted. A burden. Even to her._ The pain is seeping along his skin in a full body cringe. He begins turning away, carefully rearranging his limbs, drawing in on himself, trying to make himself smaller, less bothersome, wills himself to take up as little space as possible. In the corner of his mind, he’s making half-formed plans, flitting through ideas on how to flee this place, to get out of her hair as soon as possible and stop burdening her, stop _hurting_ her.

He apologizes, cursing himself inwardly, as he stumbles over the words. He needs her to know he knew he was asking too much. That even he knew it was foolish, a pipe dream, something he never should have considered asking. His chagrin floods their bond, soaking into every corner of her mind.

Rey is blinded by the pain and self-revulsion rolling off of him. It's like tidal waves slamming into her, pulling her under, suffocating her in the violent churning of his anguish. She gasps and wildly reaches telepathically for him, desperate to break above the waves, to breathe.

_Ben._

He stills, sensing the urgency in her tone. Her regret and distress presses into his awareness. His eyes flit towards her face before he forcefully redirects them towards the squashy moss at his feet.

“I _want_ to be close to you. That’s not what I’m afraid of. I just don't know how,” she says quietly.

He winces. He knows his is not the most inviting presence, he’s too big. Too menacing. Too much of a lot of things. He opens his mouth to apologize, again, but she pushes on.

“I've never… I don't know to do this,” she mumbles, uncertain. “All I feel is how _I_ want _you_ to hold me. But what if what you want is different? What if I do it wrong? What if I'm so clumsy and inexperienced and fumbling that you decide you don't want this, bond be damned?”

The shock makes the air in his lungs turn to cement. He stares at her, brow furrowing deeply. He's floored. He tentatively scans the edges of her mind, feeling her embarrassment, her self-consciousness. She was afraid of… not being good enough? At cuddling? Him? He can hardly make the thoughts make sense.

“All I want is you,” his broken murmur tumbles past his lips. “I want you close. And I want you to want it too. I don't want to be alone in this… _yearning_ anymore.”

She reaches out, gingerly drags a fingertip down the ghost of his scar on his cheek. She watches his eyes smolder in the firelight, terror and hope mingling together within them. 

“You're not. Don’t be afraid,” she reminds him. “I feel it, too. All of it.”

Rey projects the memory of their kiss on Exegol into his mind. Purposefully lingering on how blissful the feeling of his lips on hers had felt. The relief that had coursed through her. The longing that had finally been sated after denying her feelings for so long. He marvels at her, enchanted by the vision and her perfect echo of his own emotions.

She inches forward on the stone seat, wrapping her arms around his head, legs over his waist, gently presses his head into the hollow beneath her collar bone, his nose skimming the collar of her tunic. His cheek rests above her heart, thrumming in time with his.

His whole frame sinks around her, his muscles melting as he sighs an exhale that feels like he'd been holding it in the depths of his soul. He probably had been. His arms wind around her, tightening his grip so she's pressed more firmly against him.

He closes his eyes, accepting this foreign feeling of contentment and safety. It’s more than he could have dreamt for, having her want him back. But the rightness he feels in her embrace, that she feels in his, echoing through the Force, singing in his very soul, reverberating in an infinite feedback loop between his mind and hers, is impossible to deny.

She feels _safe_ for the first time in her life. Like she's home. Tears flood the edges of her vision. She squeezes her eyes shut and buries her face in the top of his head, nuzzling into him as his silky hair tickles her lips, her nose, her cheeks. She basks in the intangible hum of their emotions, soaring through her veins.

Her one articulate thought slips freely between their minds.

_Just you and me. Always._

Ben squeezes her closer. The comfort and love pours into every cracked spot in his soul, knitting together the tattered fibers of his heart, sealing his wounds. He feels it sealing hers, too.

_I'm never letting you go_ , they think in unison.

_Rey,_ his mind whispers her name like a prayer. _Thank you._

“Please don't thank me,” she says aloud. “You deserve this. Because I deserve this. After everything, every betrayal and abandonment and hurt, we've found each other. Now that we're together, we can heal.”

She presses a kiss to his hairline, snuggles him closer.

_Okay?_ she asks silently.

He nods, almost imperceptibly, pressing his cheek further into her chest.

He watches her carefully considering a familiar daydream in her mind. She turns it over and over, delicately examining it, aware of him watching. It feels almost like a memory, but it isn’t. Yet the recall is practiced, like this image is a piece of parchment she’s long kept folded in her pocket, the edges worn and fraying from how often she unfolds it, studies it, then folds and squirrels it away again.

She’s imagining his fingers nimbly combing through her hair, down her neck, in a soothing, languid way. The image is slightly hazy. His mind jolts at the realization that this is what she envisions when she's trying to fall asleep. Long gone are the island and the ocean. _This_ island and _this_ ocean, actually. Now, it’s just him. Close. Calm. Nurturing. Loving. Reverent. He's in awe.

Softly, so soft he would miss the movement if he didn’t sense her slight apprehension in his mind, she threads her fingers through his hair. He can feel her determination. She wants to do this _correctly_. To give him all of the comfort and affection _she_ has longed for her entire life. She gently searches for his reaction through the bond, braced for his recoil.

Instead he hums contentedly, the noise rumbling through his chest. He sinks further into her arms. Emboldened, she trails her fingertips down the nape of his neck, softly across his skin to the tops of his shoulder. She kisses his forehead and repeats the motion, over and over, captivated by the closeness of him.

He’s exhausted, warm, and completely relaxed against her. Slumber beckons him with every caress of Rey’s fingers on his scalp. But he doesn't want to sleep. Doesn't want to miss a second of this. He’s wanted this for so long and he’s loathe to drift off and sever this moment.

_We have all night_ , her mind whispers to his.

“I'll hold you all night, just like this,” she murmurs against the shell of his ear. “We'll stay in bed all day tomorrow to catch up on sleep, if you want.”

He could cry. A smattering of tears slide down his nose and onto her shirt.

He nods and presses a featherlight kiss to her collarbone.

They exhale slowly together, floating and basking in their hard-won togetherness. He’s _not_ alone, not anymore. Neither is she. And that is more than enough.


End file.
